Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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