i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
