census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
