Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
