This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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