I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
