this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
