she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
