idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
