there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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