My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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