He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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