After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
