I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
