I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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