the condom got lost in my hair
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can I color on your dick again?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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