So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
