the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Semen is not good for contacts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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