Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
