Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
