the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
