the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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