You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
