2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it hurts more in the daytime
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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