Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
