I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
