Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
