I'm gonna have a badass scar
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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