Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
