There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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