Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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