So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
