He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
