i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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