two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
