I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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