So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
