Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
