You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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