no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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