Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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