Apparently you make a good broom.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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