Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
