I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
