wanna go halves on a baby?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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