When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
