ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
