ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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