she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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