As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
