Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
