sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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