I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
