I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This house was built for laser tag.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
