Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
